Dear Confused,

This thing has two possible endings and I can’t tell you which way it’s gonna go, nor can I tell you which way it should go, but I’m going to try to help you get there.

Two years is a long time to be on and off with a person. A really long time. My gut tells me that if you two were meant to put your ‘thing’ out into the light of day, at some point within those two years, you would have. Why do you think in all that time you’ve never tried? If you can answer that question, you should have some direction for the future.

As to why he’s kind and caring… There are a few possible reasons, the most likely is that he’s actually kind and caring. Guess what? Kind and caring guys do exist. Yeah, sometimes it seems like they’re few and far between, but they really are out there. No matter what else happens, please remember that. But, there are also a lot of jerks; fakers that can turn it on and off when they need to. As far as your flex goes, I don’t know which category he falls into. After two years, do you have a sense of whether or not he’s the real thing?

Your relationship, having lasted so long, obviously has rules, regulations, definitions and parameters. Even if they’ve never been stated or discussed, I would think that you have boundaries that you both know exist. You’ve probably both been comfortable operating under these rules until now…. But I’d guess that either of you could change dramatically if the other one were to flip the script. Do you follow?

Question for you: if, a year ago, when he was no more than a flex to you, he’d started wanting you to meet his parents and grandparents and go with him to church and generally be your girlfriend, would you have acted the same way with him you always have? Would you have been freaked out?

Let me try to boil this down. Either a relationship with him will work or it won’t. If there’s a real reason that you guys have never tried, you may not want to bother. Then again, what if he’s been madly in love with you all this time and just waiting for you to dump the latest loser you were hanging out with?

There’s really only one way to find out and that’s to ask him. Be aware that it could be the end of your relationship. He may only see you as a late-night kind of friend and you could scare him off. If you’re willing to let him go, then bring it up and see what he says. Who knows, could be that your kind and caring dream guy has been under your nose all this time!

Good Luck!

AB

Alexis Brown