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February 18th, 2008
Dear Alexis,
I am really hurt and confused. I've been good friends with this girl. We've only known each other for a short while but we really understand each other. We write poems and have lots of fun. I recently told her how I felt about her and she said we were only friends. She says that we are best friends but I get the feeling that she only wants to talk with me through email, not in person or on the phone because every time I offer to see her she doesn't respond.
Some days I cry myself to sleep because I know that this isn't fair. Other times I think that she is free to be herself.
I often think of ending our friendship but I always remember how sweet she was to me and helpful during my time of need. I really like her as a friend but sometimes get the feeling she doesn't care about me. What should I do? Do I endure this internet "friendship" or just be a supportive friend.
Feeling Down
Dear Down,
I want you to stop crying yourself to sleep. Thinking of you doing that makes me want to cry…
There is some good news in your story. I’m going to focus on the fact that you’re able to have a friendship with a girl. Even if it’s primarily over the Internet, it shows that you have something to give.
I know it doesn’t seem fair that she doesn’t feel the same way about you, but the way I see it, it can only mean that there’s a better match out there for you somewhere.
I’ve seen it happen before; two people have a lot of fun together, they’re both kind, caring people, one falls hard and the other doesn’t. Some times it’s easy to confuse kindness with genuine interest. It hurts when the other person doesn’t feel the same way and it can be embarrassing when you put it out there.
Be proud of the fact that you were able tell her how you felt. You are a courageous warrior! Isn’t it better to know the truth than to waste time wondering? Don’t let her answer discourage you from trying again, either. ..
As for your friendship in the future, I think it’s up to you. If you can bear the thought of keeping it confined to the web, then why not? If you can’t stand it though, then you should probably move on. She’s been pretty clear about what she wants from you so I think it’s up to you to make the next move.
Listen, I know it sucks right now and you’re feeling blue over the whole thing but don’t forget the positive: 1) you are able to have a friendship with a member of the opposite sex (you’d be surprised how many people can’t!) 2) you are brave, 3) you are able find people you dig (again, you’d be surprised how many people can’t) and 4) you didn’t waste a lot of time on this relationship only to find out it wasn’t what you wanted.
Dry up those tears and get back on your horse! Surely there’s a girl out there for you who is in to the same things you are and who will love you like you love her.
Good Luck!
AB
Alexis Brown
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