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February 25th, 2008
Dear Alexis Brown,
I've been seeing this girl for about 2 months now. She's a great girl, funny attractive, smart down to earth basically a bring home to mom kind of girl, but she has a hard time trusting people. Some days she can't wait to see me or talk to me on the phone and the interaction is awesome, but other days she's very distant.
She is a student at the time and very focused on getting her career off the ground, she's also very family and friends oriented as I believe that to be her "safe haven" or a "distraction". I am wondering if we will be compatible for anything long term or is it just a fling.
If it matters or is required I was born in 1978 and she was born in 1984. There is a little bit of an age gap as you can see…
LC
Dear LC,
I can’t really interpret her trust issues. Often, we have a hard time trusting people because someone has betrayed our trust in the past. Without knowing why she doesn’t trust people, I can’t really tell you what your chances are for the future. I will say that some can overcome trust issues with a solid, loving relationship. Others, though, have been wounded so deeply, they end up driving away the one person who might be able to help them.
Until you figure these things out, one thing you can do is be worthy of her trust. Do what you say you’re going to do. Be where you say you’re going to be. Don’t do things you’re not supposed to. Now hang on, I’m not saying you need to take all your freedom and hand it over to her. At your age and after two months of dating, you should still have a good degree of independence. But, don’t do anything to betray her trust.
As for being distant on the phone. Are you sure it has to do with her trust issues? Could she be depressive (sorry, not to alarm you but it’s a possibility.) Another possibility is that she just gives bad phone. I know lots of people like that. Great in person, totally outgoing, fun etc but on the phone they’re all business. My suggestion: stick to meeting in person and use text messaging or emails in between.
So fling or long term? Sorry, I don’t have a crystal ball. That’s going to be determined by the two of you and how things look in the coming months. If you’re still together after 6 months, you should have a pretty good idea of whether or not she’s the one for you.
Good Luck!
AB
Alexis Brown
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