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March 17th, 2008
Dear Alexis,
Kind of a weird thing to write in about but I’m so happy, I’m freaking myself out.
Two years ago, I was depressed, single and fat. I had a good long look at my life, read a few self help books and decided to make some changes. I started thinking positive thoughts and feeling positive feelings. I joined a gym, worked hard but slowly and steadily to lose 25 pounds. I reached my goal weight a year ago and I’ve changed my habits completely and maintained the weight loss.
Meanwhile, I started to look around at my job and realized I didn’t like what I did. Out of the blue (long story), I got offered my dream job. Now I feel like I have a career, my income has doubled and keeps going up.
I met a great guy I really like and I think he’s amazing. So where’s the problem you ask? Despite the fact that so much has changed, some times I still feel like that chubby sad girl that I was just a few years ago. I’m afraid that I’ll wake up and the new me will be gone. I sometimes feel like I could be moments away from someone stripping away this new life that I’ve built, or the heavens will do the math and realize I don’t deserve it.
Lately these thoughts have been keeping me up at night. What do you think?
Hanging on By a Thread
Dear Thread,
Time for you to do a refresher with all those self-help books that helped you achieve your goals in the first place.
If you’re a regular reader of my column, you’ve heard me say before that I’m not a trained psychologist or psychiatrist so read everything I say with a grain of salt, K?
I’m not sure if you’re aware but what you’re feeling is a relatively common phenomenon. Look up “impostor syndrome” on wikipedia. You’ll even see that a number of books have been written about it. In a nutshell, it occurs when people don’t believe they deserve the success that they’ve achieved.
Sometimes it helps to have a look at our accomplishments. Have a look at everything you’ve done. You have turned your life around 180 degrees in a pretty short period of time. Do you know how many people would love to accomplish even half of what you’ve done? You, my dear, are already quite far ahead of the pack in terms of your personal evolution.
You know those people who seem so together and who, in your eyes, have it all? We all know they exist, right? My question is, do you think that they deserve it? And if so, why don’t you? You do deserve your success, just as much as the next guy. Convince yourself of that and repeat it like a mantra if you have to.
I’m not sure which self-help books you were reading, but I’d guess that many of them will say that if you believe someone will come and strip it all away, that eventually, someone will come and strip it all away. So it’s time to turn your thinking around before you create a self-fulfilling prophecy.
So here’s my advice to you: go back to the things that helped you motivate yourself in the first place. Draw on that same source once again. Convince yourself that you are just as worthy, if not more, as anyone else that is happy and successful. And finally, you need to believe, deep down in your bones, that this happiness is yours to keep. Of course there’ll be bumps in the road, but that’s life. Have you found that the happier you are inside, the more happiness you put out into the universe? Maybe that’s the reason that you’ve been given this gift. You have a job to do now, and that’s to maintain this joy and spread it around. So, no more anxiety about staying happy. You’ve earned it and you deserve it!
Good Luck!
AB
Alexis Brown
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