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> Today's Question
> April 2nd, 2007

Dear T. Worthy,

Well, let me tell you, trust is a tricky one. There could be a few reasons that he isn't trusting you right now. Have you done something in the past to break his trust? Or is he just someone that finds his trust hard to give?

The thing about trust; it has to be earned. There really isn't a quick fix. Like love, it builds over time. The best thing you can do to get trust from him is SHOW HIM that you are worthy of it. Saying it doesn't mean much if he doesn't feel it. How do you show him? Be true. If you are true to him in your heart, then you'll be true to him in your actions. Don't do the silly little things that (should I admit this?) we girls sometimes do - to make him jealous. It could backfire on you if he thinks you're playing him.

One thought: sometimes when a person is doing something they shouldn't be doing, they project their feelings. Here's a story for you: a girlfriend of mine had been with her man for about 3 years. She started to develop a crush on a guy at work. Her boyfriend was totally in love with her and would never, in a million years, cheat on her. BUT, the more her crush on her co-worker developed, the more she started to convince herself that her boyfriend was fooling around. He wasn't of course, and in the end, nothing ever happened with the co-worker. The moral of the story, sometimes if you are about to do something wrong, your guilt can convince yourself your partner already is - that way you don't have to be the bad guy.

Now, I'm not saying that your man is doing anything wrong. I'm not even suggesting it. But I am suggesting that you take a good long look at whether or not he is worthy of your trust. Has he earned it? Is his heart true? It would be very hard to love somebody that doesn't trust you. Make sure you two are good for each other before you kill yourself trying to prove that you're a good girl!

Good luck!

Alexis Brown

Dear Alexis,

I have a dilemma. I was in a relationship with a guy, call him Dave, that lasted about 9 months, 5 of which we were totally hooked on each other. We enjoyed our drives around town just hanging out at his house, sex, cuddling after, playing around and making each other laugh. We were very tight and it felt like it was just the two of us against the world.

We did not last simply because he felt I shouldn’t be out partying and dancing up on other males but mainly because I went to a party and danced like that with guys who he considered haters. I told him a month or so later and he was infuriated. He hardly spoke to me and things were no longer the same. We finally split going into the 5^th month.

A month after that, we started having sex after plenty of deliberations and we slowly started to patch things up. Then I went out, he heard, asked me about it and that was it. Now we are friends thinking about having sex and i am hoping it would be the magnet but all that our relationship encompasses would also play a role in terms of how we relate, our respect for each other and how much we understand and care for each other.

However another guy has come into the picture. This has muddled me up a bit. Let’s call him Pete. Pete was a close friend and we crossed the line by having sex. We are no longer as close as I think we used to be. Pete’s told me point blank he wants nothing serious because as far as he can see we wouldn’t get along because we argue all the time. But it’s only since we had sex that we've started arguing so much.

He refuses to see things my way as far as us being together goes. He decided to tell me after we had sex, despite the fact that he had the opportunity to before. Now that he's told me this my ego is a little deflated. I feel I totally humiliated myself. I want to know who do i pursue or do i just move on and work on myself? Then again i think i know the answer...my ex...LOL!

Dear Stuck,

Wow, it seems like you have a lot going on, but as far as I can tell, neither guy is the guy for you.

You broke up with guy number one because you like to party and he can't stand it. The question is: which is more important to you: the guy or the partying? You've chosen the partying, so you've answered that question yourself.

You already know it isn't going to work out with guy #2. There's no reason to feel any shame. You went for it and it didn't work out. His behaviour changed once you got together with him. You couldn't have known he'd turn in to a meanie. Don't feel bad about yourself, okay?

You need to forget about both these guys. Everyone deserves to be happy. I know there's a guy out there for you. Find a guy that likes to party like you do and doesn't get jealous when you're out at the club. Imagine how much fun you'll have!

Good luck!

Alexis Brown