Dear Nancy,

In a word, yes.

Why do you want to? What are you trying to find? Has he given you reason to believe he’s been a bad boy or are you just making sure he isn’t?

You haven’t given me very much info about your relationship. To be honest, I’m not sure it would make much of a difference if you had. I can’t think of a circumstance where invading our partner’s privacy is acceptable. I suspect there are a lot of people who might disagree with me (are there? Let’s hear from you), but I think that privacy is sacred and we have to be able to trust each other.

Nancy, what I’d suggest to you is to sit down and figure out just exactly what you feel you need to know. What is his blackberry going to tell you? Now, once you know what you need to know, figure out if there’s a reason you can’t just ask him these questions.

What if you went in there and misinterpreted something? I recently sent an email that said “thanks, I love you!”  to a guy because he had helped me get a 30% discount on a handbag. What if my fella had been looking in my blackberry and found that? How would I have felt if, out of the blue, he accused me of cheating? Especially since I’d done absolutely nothing to deserve it…

The other risk we run when we are overly suspicious is of creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. One of my guy friends has a theory that if he’s getting in sh*t for cheating anyway, he may as well cheat. Can’t say that it’s an unreasonable theory.

So here’s where I stand on the issue; I really believe that you need to be able to communicate with your partner, face to face. I believe in discussing the things that are troubling us. I believe in trust. If you don’t have that, only you know the reasons why. Maybe he’s not worthy of your trust, but then, why are you still with him?

Sorry, I know it’s a simplistic view but it’s all I’ve got. I truly hope you two can sit down and discuss what’s eating you. Maybe he does have something to hide, maybe he doesn’t. I just don’t think that sneaking around in his private space is the way to solve that mystery.

Good Luck!

AB



Alexis Brown