Dear Mine,

You are in the classic three-way hellish situation (not to be confused with other three-way situations that could conceivably be less hellish). This kind of story happens all the time and it’s hard to find a situation that will make you (being the outsider in the triangle) feel worse. It’s harder than the guy you like being into some other girl you don’t know. At least in that situation, you don’t feel like you’re losing your best friend as well.

So, what to do? You’ve really got two relationships to address and there are also some boundary issues. You have to figure out what you can live with.

Now here comes my warning: you probably aren’t going to like my advice. I think at one time or another our lives all of us have been in this situation on one side of the triangle or the other. You probably want me to tell you that your friendship is more important than some guy and so it’s okay for you to ‘claim’ him and since she’s your friend she needs to respect that and move on to another guy.

But, I can’t tell you that. The problem is that once the flame has been lit (which it has) an ending in which everybody gets what they want DOES NOT EXIST.  Think about it. There’s no compromise here. Somebody or bodies, have to end up being bummed. Who’s it going to be?

Unfortunately probably you. The harsh part of this story is that you and Rich have had a long time to get together and nothing happened. If it were going to happen, chances are good it would have happened already. Some guys can be a bit slow to make a move, especially if they have a ginormous crush. But if he had a crush on you the size of Quebec, so massive he got nervous around you and couldn’t make a move, the reality is he wouldn’t fall for your friend. The fact that he is in to her tells me he’s not into you. Sorry, honey.  I really am.

So, if you’re out of the running, where does that leave the two of them? Well, if they want to be together, you can try to stop it but you’re probably better off just letting it happen. It’s going to really hurt. I promise you it won’t be easy. But, I don’t think you really have many choices.

Listen, I know how badly it will hurt to think of them being together. But when two young people are hot for each other, trying to stop them from getting together is like trying to stop a 747 from landing with your bare hands. Not to mention, they’ll only want each other more.

If you try to interfere and prevent them from being together, one of two things will happen. Either they’ll respect your wishes (and possibly / probably hate you for it), or they’ll ignore your wishes, get together anyway, and you’ll lose both of them as friends.

Besides, they could try it out and realize they can’t stand each other. It sounds bitchy, but that’s your best case scenario; they’re not together and you’re not the reason.

Of course you could ask your girl to back off. But if you are a true friend, you’ll really just want her to be happy, right? Yes it will suck but it’s not like he’s been your boyfriend for ever and she’s moving in. If he’s that awesome, maybe it’s better if one of you is with him versus some skank that could be really bad for him, right?

So here it is: use every cell in your being to resist the urge to stop them from getting together. It’s okay to tell your friend how you feel. Let’s face it, she knows you like him, she’s been hearing it for months. She should be aware that she’s dangerously close to losing you as a friend… But you might just want to tell her that although it makes you sad, you just want both of them to be happy. You’re within your rights to ask her not to rub it in your face if they do get together.

With that kind of best friend behaviour, you’ll have plenty of good karma coming your way. And hopefully that will include a hottie of your own that is totally in to you and only you!

Good Luck!

AB



Alexis Brown