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Ask Alexis Brown
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Dear Alexis,

I'm in a situation and I need to know if my friends are right. I used to date this guy last year that I really liked...that ended as we were both at different stages in our life and we wanted different things (he didn't want a commitment).

Well, we ended up becoming good friends! We talk everyday, hang out and see each other a lot, he's always there for me...the biggest sweetheart ever. My friends are convinced that he likes me but I know he is dating someone, so I don't believe it! But he is ALWAYS around and my friends say they "see it in his eyes" when he is looking at me. I would love to be with him, but when I think about when we use to be together last year I'm kinda turned off because he had his chance and missed it.

So I guess my questions are, 1)does he like me? 2) do you think if I brought it up with him he would end the relationship with the other girl (that's if I wanna be with him) and 3) If he does like me and I decide i don't like him the same way, do I continue our friendship?

-confused-

Dear confused,

The first thing you need to do is understand your own feelings for this guy. Your Question 3 suggests that you don’t know yet if you’re into him or not. That needs to be your starting point. If you go for it, he ditches his girl and then you decide you don’t even want him not only will you have wrecked his current relationship, but your friendship will likely be over.

So Question 3 first: Decide what you want. If you know you’re not into him, let sleeping dogs lie.

Question 1, does he like you? Well, that’s hard for me to say. Probably, from the sounds of it. The reason you broke up was because you were at different life stages, NOT because you didn’t like each other. So it’s likely that he still digs you.

Now the hard one, Question 2: would he break up with his current girlfriend for you? I can’t answer that. But I can get you to think about the consequences.

If he does:

·        Would you be able to trust a guy that was that willing to walk away from a relationship for another girl he never stopped caring for?
·        You broke up originally because he couldn’t commit. How can you be sure he will now? What if he won’t? Then what?

If he doesn’t:
·        It means he’s probably more rock solid with his girl than you realize. You could lose the friendship if you read him wrong. Is it worth it?

So my advice is to play the waiting game on this one. You’re not sure what you want. Spend some time trying to figure it out. If you’re 100% in, then you probably should go for it and say ‘damn the consequences.’ Until you get to 100% just relax. Enjoy the friendship, respect the relationship he has with his girlfriend, he may resent you if you don’t. Don’t be mad at him for blowing it the first time. Boys and girls are almost ALWAYS on different schedules in terms of commitments. Just hang out and see where things go on their own.

Good luck!

Alexis Brown