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June 11th, 2007
Dear Alexis,
Where do I begin? I was in a very long and committed relationship that ended after 11 long years. I've since met someone and we've been together for about a year. My only issue is that things have not been completely rock solid during the last 12 months. I caught him cheating once and forgave him. And now my concern is over a friendship he has with a stripper.
Should I care that this woman engages in a trade that I don't agree with? My main problem is that this female "stripper" friend of his does NOT respect the fact that I am his girl. I feel as though she's making all attempts to discredit me and our relationship. What do I do? I've already tried discussing my concern with him but he looks at me as nagging.
I've already been in a long relationship to know exactly WHAT I DON'T WANT. And this current situation is really starting to take a toll on our relationship. I don't want to lose him but at the same time I'm not going to be played for a fool. And besides why should a stripper be calling my man late at night............does she not have a pole to deal with?
Frustrated .........
Dear Frustrated,
Am I allowed to say this here??? Seems as if the pole she’s interested in is attached to your man!
Hey, I don’t have any problem with male-female friendships. I think they can exist alongside good relationships and be healthy for all parties involved. Provided they really are friendships and one person isn’t trying to get with the other. However, it doesn’t sound like that’s what we have here. Clue #1: she doesn’t respect you as his girlfriend… she calls him late at night etc. Clue #2: he hasn’t involved you in their friendship. For these friendships to work, just like any other friendship, the partner should be involved.
For example, I’m assuming he’s met your best girlfriend and (if she has one) her partner. I’m assuming you do things together socially, at least one in a while. The same would typically hold true with his best guy friend. This is usually the case.
It’s totally cool for him to have a female buddy, even if you don’t respect what she does for a living. However, the same rules should apply to that friendship as all the others in your lives. If he has nothing to hide, he should be happy to have you meet each other. If she’s truly just a buddy and isn’t into him, she’d be happy to meet you and be glad he has a good woman.
The danger sign for me is that this hasn’t happened. If their friendship were only that, he should have introduced you two the second you started to tell him your feelings so you could feel better about it. He hasn’t done that. In fact, he’s continued allowing her calls so that you feel worse. If he truly cared about you, he wouldn’t do that.
Let this guy go. The respect you need from him just isn’t there.
Good luck!
Alexis Brown
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