Dear Pretender,

No.

Don’t continue pretending. In fact, I wish I’d been in your pocket the night of the BBQ, because that was the time to tell your man. Now, I’m afraid you may be in some trouble (that I’m sorry, honey…you’ve earned) for lying in the first place. So, you need to apologise for your first act and come clean. The problem is, he’s going to think the relationship meant more to you than it did because otherwise why would you lie in the first place?

Come clean with him sooner than later. Tell him why you ‘pretended’ in the first place. Tell him that you regret it so much and you’ve been having sleepless nights and you understand if he’s pissed at you but you did it because you didn’t want to hurt him.

In case you still think you should keep up your tale, imagine the consequences of not telling. Walk with me Pretender, in to the future, a year, six months from now to when he accidentally finds out. There isn’t very much I can promise or guarantee but there is one fundamental truth and that is that The Truth Always Comes Out. So the truth comes out, by accident of course, and he finds out that you (and the ex) have both been “lying” to him the entire time. Both of you are going to be thrown in to the trash bin.

How would you feel if that happened to you? Especially over a relationship that was meaningless to both of you!

Tell him. Tell. Him. Now.

I can’t blame him if he has a hard time forgiving you for the initial lie, but you were doing it to protect him try to tell him in a way that he understands that was your motive. If he has an ongoing problem with the old relationship (as you initially suspected) that could be a red flag that you want to keep an eye on. We all have our pasts, most of which contain people and moments that  we’re proud of, and others not so much. That’s how we grow. See if he’s able to let your history be history then you two can have a happy future.

Good luck!



Alexis Brown