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August 6th, 2007
Dear Alexis,
I started seeing a new guy a few weeks ago, and then he started hanging out with me and my friends a lot, which I thought was a great idea.
Recently I found out that he and one of my best girl friends have been hanging out one on one. When I confronted my friend about it, she said that they were just hanging out as friends, and watching the same stupid tv shows, and that I shouldn't worry because the entire time he's with her he talks about me.
Then my friend told me that there’s a possibility that she likes him, and if she keeps hanging out with him there might be potential for something to happen, even though she knows I have feelings for him. She keeps seeing him and calls me the day after to ask if it was okay that she saw him, when clearly if it were not okay, its too late to have done anything about it.
I felt irrational telling her not to see him again, as I felt that was sort of unfair to do, but at the same time its so weird that they were hanging out, and really disrespectful to me. I told her that if she wants to, she should still see him, but maybe instead of asking my permission after the fact, clearing it with me before hand. Then I said to her, if she needed to ask my permission every time she saw him then maybe she knows that she’s doing the wrong thing by seeing him.
Now she tells me that she has stopped seeing him, but I have found out (through very reliable sources) that she is still seeing him behind my back. Obviously this guy is a jerk and I am no longer interested in him, but what should I do about my friend? Should I confront her and tell her how disrespectful she's being and let her know that I know that she's lying? Or should I just drop it and get over it? Any Advice?
Confused and Upset
Confused,
Your friend is not a friend. She is what we call a frenemy, and your life will be far better without her in it. I’m glad you figured out that guy is a loser, tossing him was an excellent first step.
Since you had the fortitude to drop him, I suspect you’ll have the stomach to cut her out as well. Think about it for a minute, would you ever, ever, ever in a million years start secretly hanging out with one of your good friends’ new men???? As women, we are supposed to be happy for our girls when they start seeing someone new, even if we don’t have a man of our own. Guys are (usually) really good about respecting each other’s turf some of us need to learn from them.
I’m going to call this one like it is; that girl is a beeeeatch and you need to get away from her as fast as your legs can carry you. She obviously has no boundaries, no respect for you and no sense of what the rules are. You weren’t hurt too badly this time around, but imagine the consequences if you’d actually liked that guy??? Don’t bother confronting her, she doesn’t deserve it and it will only dredge the whole issue up again. That said, if you feel that a conversation with her will give you closure and make you feel better, then maybe it is the right thing for you. Just make sure you don’t let her weasel her way back into your life. We already know she’s manipulative and a liar.
Ditch her and fill the space with a true girlfriend. You’ll also be making space in your life for a new, hot nice guy… not a cad!!
Good Luck!
Alexis Brown
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