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August 20th, 2007
Dear Alexis,
One of my close male friends is due to get married next month. Although we live in different cities, we keep in touch through emails, phone calls and text messaging. He's one of the sweetest guys I know and sometimes I think I have a little crush on him but I respect the fact that he's taken and has a kid with his soon to be wife.
On his recent visit, we hung out a lot more and partied with mutual friends.......I even caught him looking at me at times and complimenting me often. One evening, he spent the night alone at my apartment because he was "unable" to get into his hotel room for whatever reason.
I totally adore him and would like nothing more than to connect with him but I definitely don't want to be a home wrecker.
Now that he's back home with his fiancé, he sends text messages late at night, telling me how it took all his will power not to make a move on me and how sweet and attractive he finds me. Regardless of the fact that I have strong feelings for him, I've suggested that we communicate less for a while so that he won't get confused before his wedding.
What I don't understand is, whether my friend has the wedding jitters or if he just isn't ready for marriage? Any advice is appreciated.
Sincerely,
Lonely girl!
Dear Lonely,
You’ve asked me if he has the wedding jitters or if he isn’t ready for marriage and my answer is: I don’t know and we don’t care.
Not being Miss Cleo, I can’t tell you what’s going on in this guy’s mind. I can tell you that whatever it is, your instinct to avoid him is a good one. The truth is that whatever the reason for his behaviour, you need to avoid him.
You’re probably right that he’s acting on one of the two reasons you’ve identified. Whichever it is, considering a future with him is not the right thing to do. What if he’s one of these guys that just can’t commit? We all know they exist. So, say you step in, the relationship with his baby mommy ends and then he can’t commit to you either? Now you are that home wrecker you didn’t want to be and you don’t get the guy!
I’m not trying to mess with your expectations, but let’s just say that even if it is possible that the two of you are meant to be together, you have to let him decide to come to you. He has a family with this woman, he will have to bear the consequences of leaving her. He would have to come to the decision 100% on his own. Could you live with yourself if you pushed him in your direction? Could he?
Not to mention, do you really want to be with the kind of guy that’s texting another woman on the eve of his wedding? Could it be that you’re flattered by the attention but don’t really want him?
Here’s my advice Lonely, do what you’ve been doing. Ignore him totally. Don’t go to the wedding if they do have it. Meanwhile, start looking for a nice guy of your very own that lives in the same city as you. If fate wants you to be with this guy, fate will put you together, but I suspect it’s just a temporary moment that neither of you want to spend the rest of your lives regretting.
You’re obviously a very bright woman. I think that deep down you know you can do better than your friend. I know there’s someone out there for you, you need to believe it too, then go get him!
Good Luck!
Alexis Brown
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