Dear MJK,

Darling, I hate to correct you when you’re hurting so much, but the truth is, over the past two weeks, the signals haven’t been mixed at all. The signal is that He’s Just Not That Into You*.

The one thing that’s clear about your relationship is that you guys aren’t good communicators. One of you always seems to be guessing about what the other one wants / thinks. One of the most important variables in a relationship is good communication. You must be able to talk to each other. Another part of that is knowing how you feel about each other.

You said before this all started, he was having doubts about you. Why did he think you weren’t into it? Was it your actions or your words? Or the lack of actions or words? His actions right now (not taking your calls) and his lack of words suggest that he’s either (i) already moved on or (ii) is trying to punish you (in a very passive-aggressive way, I might add.)

If it’s the former, there probably isn’t anything you can do. If it’s the latter, you’re only going to solve it through communication…which is impossible if he’s not talking to you.

Here’s my advice:

Step 1) decide if this relationship is really worth saving. I’m telling you right now that both of you are going to have to do a better job of talking to each other in the future for you to have any chance of working this out.

Step 2) if you decide to pursue it, you need to get in front of him. The phone just won’t do. Be prepared to be hurt if you want to make it work and it turns out that he’s already moved on.

Step 3) once you’re in front of him, tell him exactly how you feel. There’s obviously a reason he doubted you in the past. Figure out what signals you sent him to suggest that, then explain it to him. Maybe you were scared of getting hurt? Not sure of him? Whatever it is, think it through and be truthful.

Step 4) make sure he understands that you guys are going to have to talk about your feelings for it to work. If he’s not wiling to do that, I’m sorry but I don’t have much hope that this kind of cycle won’t happen again.

* As you think this through you may want to check out the book He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys by Greg Behrendt, Liz Tuccillo. I recommend this for every woman (and man for that matter) who is out there trying to date. It’s written in a light style and although a lot of what’s in there seems obvious, sometimes it’s important to remind ourselves to just face reality.

Whatever happens darling, keep your spirits and your hopes up by having some good times with your friends and being kind to yourself. Whether with this guy or someone else, remember that you deserve to be happy and you will, it just may take a little time.

 
Good Luck!



Alexis Brown