Dear Frustrated,

I feel your pain but I have to say that maybe the road is where you want to be. I think your man’s been honest with you. He says this is who he is and it probably is.  In some situations, people will try to change in order to hang on to the person they’re with, but it doesn’t seem like he wants to do that.

Here’s a true story for you. One of my girlfriends has always really, really wanted to have kids. She married a guy who has ALWAYS said from day one that he didn’t. Now she’s bummed because she’s realizing he means it and she either has to split or abandon the whole idea of being a mom. My heart goes out to her, it truly does… But the thing is, he’s always told her the truth and she thought she could change him… and that’s how they got in to the mess they’re in now.

So your lesson: you know better than I do whether this guy is capable of change or not. He’s not a loving affectionate guy, you need that in a boyfriend. One of you has to change. Is it fair of you to ask him to change? Can you change and stop needing that? Should either of you have to change? These are the questions that need answering.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, it’s extremely difficult to change a person. I personally don’t think we should even try. In an ideal world, your partner comes perfect for you straight from the factory, or with defects (!) that you can live with. If not, you will end up with a lifetime of frustration ahead of you.

Not sure if that’s the answer you wanted to hear, but today’s a day for telling it like it is. If you decide to stay with him, see if you can drag his ungrateful butt into some kind of counseling or group session. Your issues are based on communication and not understanding each other’s needs. Some kind of therapy centered on communication would be beneficial for you two.

Whatever you do, be true to yourself and don’t settle for a situation that will bring you more pain than joy over the long term! 

Good luck!



Alexis Brown