Dear JP,

Your story makes me so very sad, and the answer I have for you makes me sad, too.

This may sound harsh, but in my opinion, in 2007, in Canada, your father is a moron for insisting that you can only date someone that is white. Unfortunately, I know this attitude is not uncommon and I’m sure he has his reasons and they probably make a lot of sense to him. All that being said, the most important part of your story is that you are 18 years old. At 18, getting kicked out of the house will change your life forever, and not in a good way.

When I was 18, there was a girl at my school who was experiencing the same thing you are. She was Jewish, her boyfriend was Black. They were the most in- love couple at the high school. But she couldn’t tell her parents, they would have freaked. She never did. Instead, she got along with her parents, they put her through school and ended she ended up breaking up with the guy for other reasons.

Here’s the thing, in a year or two you’re going to be at university or college (right?) and you’ll have a lot more freedom. You’ll eventually get a job, move out and you can date who you want. In the next few years, you may break up with this guy for other reasons or you may stay together. If you stay together, you can take your relationship out of the closet once you’re financially independent. If you break up, you can continue to live on the bigot’s dime and get through school with the support of your family. You may not believe that you need it but trust me, you do, and I’m not only talking about financial support.

You’re probably not going to be able to change your Dad’s mind on this issue so you shouldn’t try, or if you do, make sure he isn’t holding the kind of leverage that he is right now. Once you’re out of the house you can date who you like and it will be his choice to accept it or lose you. Hopefully his love for you will overpower his small mind and he’ll come around. But I’m afraid that as long as you’re dependent on him financially, he is allowed to make the rules, no matter how ridiculous they are…

I don’t think you should break up with your boyfriend because of your family’s opinions. That being said, it’s hard for me to tell you to keep running around in secret because I understand what the consequences are. Let me just say that if you decide to stay together, make sure you don’t get caught. When you’re with your boyfriend, don’t let this stuff weigh too heavily on you. Every relationship has obstacles, this is yours. You’re young, try to have some fun despite everything.

Good Luck!



Alexis Brown