Dear Head Over Heels,

In a word, YES. I do think you can just know, as they say.  That being said, I think you have to be a bit careful when you just know. There are times when knowing he’s THE ONE isn’t enough to make it happen or to guarantee it will last.

True Story: Someone I know had been dating for ages. Lots of her friends were settling down, having families etc. She wanted to settle down but could never find the guy. She’d have a boyfriend for a year or two, knowing all along he wasn’t ‘the one,’ then she’d dump him and start all over.

Finally she met her Prince Charming. Believe me, this guy was the whole package; hot, smart, kind, successful, you name it. He was so much the opposite of all the losers she’d ever dated. She just knew he was the one. And he probably would have been... Except, he was coming out of a long term relationship that ended badly and was scared to think long term again. Long story short, she scared him off.

She was SO sure he was the one, that she started talking super-long term from the get go. The guy, being a bit sensitive, got freaked and bailed. Guess that means he wasn’t the one…

Moral of the story, you may know he’s the one, but he may not. Not to use gender stereotypes, but it often takes guys a little bit longer to get the memo. Being too certain could lead to you being aggressive and scaring the guy off.

Another possible complication: you could do such a good job convincing yourself that he’s the one that you overlook clues and signals that are telling you he really isn’t. We are all very persuasive to ourselves when we want to believe in something romantically. Often we’ll overlook all kinds of evidence that would show us we’re not right.

Here’s my advice. It’s okay to suspect he’s the one but keep it to yourself and don’t be so certain that you’re wandering around with your eyes closed.  Be open to any outcome. If he isn’t the one, it’s better to find out now versus selling yourself on someone that’s wrong for you (besides, it means you’re keeping the real ONE waiting.)

If he is the one, you’ll be together anyway so whether you knew it or not isn’t really that important. Kind of like getting final Jeopardy when you’re watching at home by yourself…doesn’t count for much. Enjoy the time you’re together and have fun!

Good Luck!



Alexis Brown