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November 12th, 2007
Dear Alexis,
Last year I took a business trip to the Caribbean. Although it was for work, there were a lot of social activities, boat cruise, snorkeling, club nights etc. The crowd that was involved was from all parts of the world. One guy there, Donald, was a bit inappropriate with one of the women. By that I mean that he was very sexually suggestive. They were from the same country and obviously had a lot in common. She wasn’t in to him but went along with it, she said it was her personality to flirt like that but honestly, I thought the whole thing was kind of creepy.
Alexis, I’m very happily married and even if I weren’t, this guy wasn’t my type and I’m against romances in, around and near the workplace. Anyway, Donald never appeared to show any interest in me and I liked it that way.
So, we all exchanged emails and I’ve stayed in touch with a few of the people. Donald has sent me the odd email and I’ve replied to him to be polite. He did send a picture of himself in a bathing suit. I thought that was weird but I just figured he’s an off the wall guy and I’ll admit I forwarded it around a bit as a joke, which I probably shouldn’t have, but I didn’t read too much into it.
So last week I get an email from him, first time hearing from him in a while, and he was talking about how I look in a bathing suit etc. It totally creeped me out!!! How do I reply? My polite instincts say to write back and just ignore his comments, then part of me wants to write back and lambaste him. What do you think I should do?
Creeped out
Dear Creeped,
I’d say you should probably do nothing. I’ve found that those type of email relationships usually fizzle out over time unless you forged a very strong bond when you met (which you didn’t) or unless both of you are really, really, really great pen pals.
Donald does seem a bit off the wall. As far as maintaining a friendship with this guy (by that I mean through email) I don’t understand what’s in it for you…
If you feel very strongly offended, you may want to give him a piece of your mind just for closure’s sake. Not having read the email he sent, I can’t say whether he’s just a clued out guy who is unknowingly inappropriate, or if he’s an actual predator. So, I’d say go with your gut. Is it telling you to feel victimized? Or is it telling you that he’s just someone that doesn’t get it?
Either way, don’t have any guilt about ignoring this guy. He’s far away and you’re unlikely to ever see him again. Suppress your polite instincts to write him back (like I said unless you feel you need to for closure’s sake). His polite instincts were certainly on vacation when he started to write about your body!
Make a decision as to how you’re going to handle him and then stick to it and go back to your happy life. As we know it’s far too short to worry about weirdos that happen to have our email address!
Good luck!
Alexis Brown
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