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December 3rd, 2007
Dear Alexis,
I work in a very upscale department store in downtown Toronto. One of my co-workers is always going on and on about her personal life. I don’t really talk that much about mine mostly because I just don’t want to talk about it to co-workers but also because I really don’t want customers overhearing. Anyway, lately she’s been going on and on and on about this Christmas party she’s having at her house. Her first dilemma was what size party to have, she decided on big. Then every single day there’s been a new issue “should I have food? should it be BYOB? How much decoration should I do? Where should I get a tree? Etc etc etc”
My friends call me a bit of a Martha Stewart so it’s been easy for me to help her out with EVERYTHING. I told her about cute little ice sculpture thingies she could make, what to serve, where to get good decorations, EVERYTHING. The party’s coming up and I know she decided to go big so imagine my surprise when I didn’t get an invitation!!!! I almost feel like it’s my party with all the work I’ve put into it. I’m really hurt and angry and part of me wouldn’t even go now if I were invited and another part of me thinks I should just show up. What should I do?
Left Off the List
Dear Left Off,
It’s easy to understand how you’d feel frustrated. One thing I’m curious about is why you’d want to go to her party in the first place? From the sounds of your letter, it doesn’t seem as if you particularly like her. But perhaps I’m just misreading it?
I will say however, that I am surprised that she would go on and on and on about her party and then fail to invite you without an explanation. Could it be that she’s just not inviting co-workers? Is the party for a particular group of people, like her family or her choir or basketball team or insert personal issue here support group? These are all possibilities that you should consider.
Then, once you realize that there could be a good reason that you’re not invited, you should be feeling a bit less hurt and angry and more curious. At that point, I think it’s fair to just flat out ask her. There are two caveats that go along with asking her. If she ends up inviting you, you have to go. Otherwise you may seem petty and then she’ll be hurt and angry and it could keep bouncing back and forth like a sorry game of ping pong. Secondly, you have to be prepared to hear the answer she gives you. That’s to say there could be a reason she’s left you off the list – she doesn’t like your boyfriend, you get too drunk at parties, who knows? And if you ask her about it, there could be an answer that you don’t like. So just be prepared to hear whatever she has to say.
Whatever you choose to do, bear in mind that this is a work relationship and it’s very important to maintain your professionalism while you’re on the job. Remember, co workers are like relatives, you can’t choose them. Try not to let yourself get hurt by them, life is too short and besides, that’s what friends and family are for!
Good luck!
Alexis Brown
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